Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
