I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
