If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
