You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
