i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
