So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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