mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
