I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
