People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
