I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
