If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think your dad took our porno
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
