I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
