I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
