You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
