I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
