i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
