you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
nutella sex= disaster
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
