If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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