Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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