my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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