I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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