it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
where are my eyebrows?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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