So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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