your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my being single is dangerous.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
