you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
