my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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