The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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