my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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