I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
