I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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