I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
