first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
