She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
