Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
