I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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