I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
