My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
