I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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