It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
