I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
