he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
