Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
