sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
