what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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