Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
