i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
