You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
