Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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