piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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