mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
