Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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