We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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