time to smoke my breakfast
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
