You can't motorboat a personality
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize