i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
