$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
